Q: I hope my question doesn’t sound too strange, but: Is there a normal amount of sex that a healthy, loving couple should be having?? Should it be up to the couple to negotiate the amount of sex they have, or is there really an amount “too low” for any couple??
I ask this because my girlfriend and I have been dating for over five years, and it is an incredible relationship. I feel completely emotionally fulfilled, and almost-completely sexually fulfilled. The sex is great, however we both acknowledge that we don’t do it as often as we’d like. In fact, when we talk about it, we say that we could be doing it more, but we’ve never felt like we have a weak relationship because of that. Sex has very rarely been the source of an argument or disagreement, and we are very open about expressing (and satisfying) our sexual wants and needs. Just to be more clear about how often we have sex, sometimes we may have sex once or twice a week, while other times (usually during the winter) we may have sex once or twice a month.
With all that said, it still seems like the media (and some friends) are “telling” us that we don’t have a “normal” sexual relationship because we don’t do it often enough or have a steady schedule.
Neither my partner nor I feel like we have any serious problems, or that our relationship is dysfunctional, but I’ve begun feeling this pressure to have more sex just to be “normal.” ~Rebel Music~
A: Greetings,
Your question isn’t strange at all and is something I am asked often.There is no such thing as a “standard’ or “required” amount of sex a couple should be having in order to have a “healthy” sex life.
When it comes to any couple, it is up to THEM and them only to decide how the relationship will work. If you have a good relationships, that is pretty much the end of the discussion and should be for those around you as well. We all know that having a relationships based solely on sex is not really a relationship at all but an arrangement that will most likely end. So that tells us, there has to be more to a relationship to make it work than just sex. And we also know that there are scores of relationships that are fantastic and fulfilling and there is no sex at all!
If you both have agreed you would like to have sex more, that is beautiful as it was an agreement between you and her and because you have been together for a while, you know each other well and trust each other. Sounds like you have a solid relationship with a good foundation. There is no need to question it based on what other people think.
Whenever you base your behavior on the media and other people, you are setting yourself up for heartache. Now, friends and family can sometimes offer valuable wisdom, however, some things have to be worked out between the couple and how often you need to have or want to have sex is not for them to speak on. As for the media, understand what it is there for… to convince us all to buy things. They know sex sells to they use it to get you to feel a certain way as much as they can so you can what?…. buy things. :)
DO NOT force yourself or your girlfriend to have sex outside of both of your comfort zones. The amount of sex you are having is fine and if the two of you decide more or less that is up to the two of you!
I’m very glad that you wrote in and it’s always nice to hear about wonderful, functional relationships!
Sincerely,
Tressa!
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